Back to Bitchiness

I know its been a while since I've bitched. But since college has once again commenced, needless to say I have much to bitch about. Speaking of college I just can't get that kid named Asher Roth out of my head. Who brain farted and gave him a record deal? To quote something from his clever warble,
"And don't have sex if she's too gone, When it comes to condoms put two on (Trust me)"

Pardon me? Trust you, you say? Clearly you can deduce from his words of wisdom that two is always better than one. Someone please direct this fool to Web MD or some shit. Putting on two condoms does not somehow shield you twice as much from the harsh elements of what is outside, much like wearing two sweaters on a cold winter's night while rubbing against the shingles(layman's term for Herpes) on the side of a house (it was a stretch). Needless to say Einstein Roth is a man of action rather than intellect. But I understand this song really speaks to the hearts (guts) of each beer guzzling, ping-pong playing Fratstar. In retrospect I think I am just upset that he scored a record deal while I was in the process of writing my ballad "I love Peanut Butter". Because fat people love peanut butter right? So I figured I could write a song about peanut butter because it will appeal to the majority of Americans who are coincidentally fat. But Asshole Roth snaked my shot in the spotlight by writing a song about dumb things that will appeal to the majority of college frat boys who are coincidentally dumb.

"That Peanut Butter last night was awfully tasty I wish I ate it
(I wish I ate it)
I stuffed my face full and had this one jar completely naked
Eat my peanut butter, lick the spoon, its for peanut butter that I swoon
(No ones invited, don't bring your friends)
Pass out at three, wake up at ten, go out to eat peanut butter then do it again

Man, I love peanut butter." Credit: Me

Don't try and steal it, this one's going platinum. Its that simple ladies and gentleman. I believe I even saw Asher Roth's idiot anthem on iTune's top ten sellers. Shame on iTunes for condoning such stupidity. And someone please alert Mr. Roth that using two condoms increases the chance of it tearing? God knows we don't need another Asher Roth spewing out fratness from his mouth hole. But the damage has been done. Its worse than what happened in Fantasia when Mickey demanded that the broom follow his words ("Repeat after me Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Freshman! Freshman! Freshman! Freshman!) . These people cannot be stopped, just like that broom they have splintered into a million weed smoking slackers. Oh Asher, to answer your question 'Do I really have to graduate? Or can you stay there for the rest of your life?'. You just made a million dollars, bitch.