Minding my sweet, sweet little business and driving down PCH, to my HORROR out of the corner of my eye I first saw what I thought was a leather hand bag in a sultry shade of brown driving a black compact car, was actually a woman in her eighties swerving into my lane. I screeched like the little bitch I am and with my feline-like reflexes I managed to preclude a severe side swipe from Grandma Death by swerving into the other lane, which was coincidentally Southbound oncoming traffic. While swerving back into my lane and trying to compose myself, wrinkles speeds up and flips me off! Clearly she suffered from some sort of age related ailment such as Alzheimer's Disease as she must have forgotten what had just occurred was clearly her g-d damned fault. Interestingly she had a marlboro cigarette or some shit dangling from the corner of what I think was some hole in her face and even more engrossing was that old Nana Ramshackle was driving a Prius. Ohh its too good. Throwing her cigarette out of her mouth and rolling her window down, she began to taunt me with her left bingo wing out of the car window. I may have just had the fear of G-d put into me, I was disoriented and in serious need of a Diet Coke with a straw, but nothing could have shielded me from the pasty white globule that was in the back seat. Grandma Demode's perhaps 11 year old (I'm assuming) brute-of-a-grand-beast wearing a cut off, balled his well-upholstered stumpy fingers into fist and shook it at me. I slowed down as you cannot compete with this sort of craziness and quite flustered the Primordial Creature and her varmint sped off to fill their daily quota of harvested souls. I was not going to throw down with her, and not because she's old but because needless to say she would take me out and fuck me in the street. Why are the people who drive Priuses and other "environmentally conscious" cars the biggest crazies? Blah Blah Blah, they're saving the environment by not purchasing as much gas. I call it being cheap. Hippie Bitches. But I guess its not their fault as they have been severely disillusioned that spending an unnecessary amount of money (thanks but I'll take quality over practicality ANY day) will somehow save the environment. Go over 45 mph and you're burning gas. And as we know these people are all crazy so guaranteed at any given time they will be traveling at a speed that is double the speed limit and killing one endangered animal at a time. But then again a little smog never hurt no one, cause I like me a purple and pink sunset! So burn that fossil fuel honey, were all going to hell in a hand basket.
