Parents who let their rug rats run rampant...a word of advice: STAY AT HOME. I always scoffed at parents who travel with their wee ones attached to leashes (darlingly disguised by a cute little monkey backpack)... now I applaud them. Lazy? No. How dare you say that. They're responsible. Last week while taking advantage of Sushi Happy Hour ($4 Large Sake and $4 32 oz. Sapporo...kidding meee?), I realized the ingeniousness of a feral invention such as a child tether. I had noticed when walking into the restaurant three juvenile offenders were walking on their knees...in crocs... pretending their knees were their feet. First of all....who the fuck dresses their kids in crocs? These people should be flogged in open court. Make them wear Jellies, so much cuter. Anyway, already peeved by a first glance, I held myself back from giving the dwarves a little tap with my shoe as I passed by. After sitting down I noticed these poor asian waiters were doing Mexican standoffs (asian/mexican...stand off? it just doesn't make sense) trying to get past them to promptly serve the dipsomaniacs such as my friend Candace and myself. Helloooo? I'm trying to get inebriated as possible before happy hour's cessation; any obstruction of such plans deserves punishment. As I furrowed my brow and whipped my head around to see a parent leap into action, in return I received a blank stare back from the flighty progenitor. One of her pint sized piques grazed my foot. MY FOOT! ewewewew. I was about to reach into my purse and pop an adderal in the child's mouth. All of this could have been avoided...by keeping your little nose hair at home. Bitches.
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